Today’s very sad😭news!! Jessi Ngatikaura Shocks Fans With Devastating News!

Those impacted by sexual assault shared a powerful conversation as part of ‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ season 3 reunion

NEED TO KNOW

• During The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season 3 reunion, the cast had a meaningful conversation about intimacy issues
• As Mikayla Matthews opened up about going to therapy, Jessi Ngatikaura became emotional, opening up about her own past
• Ngatikaura alleged that she was raped at 19, a memory she says she uncovered through therapy

Jessi Ngatikaura is opening up about an emotional discovery in seeking out healing.

The conversation came to be on The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives season 3 reunion special, where the cast discussed Mikayla Matthews and husband Jace Terry’s continued work on their intimacy issues.

Last season, Mikayla shared that she experienced sexual abuse as a child, “for about four or five years,” concluding when she was 15 years old.

At the time, Mikayla, 25, alleged that the abuse came from someone close to her family, but did not name her abuser and only felt comfortable disclosing the person’s identity to her husband in their recent conversations and work in this area of their marriage.

In a confessional from season 2, she explained the impact the abuse continues to have on her, and now, her marriage, explaining that Jace goes “out of his way for all of my needs.”

During the reunion special, the couple was asked if there had been any improvement since their struggles to connect physically and emotionally were explored in season 3.

“Since that time, I feel like I haven’t had my body or felt in my body for a long time, because of my health issues,” Mikayla explained, with Jace also pointing out that she has welcomed their fourth child since the season ended.

“After having the baby, it’s like my health stuff all came back 180, overnight,” Mikayla added, referencing her continued struggles with chronic illness. “And then for him, it’s still hard because we’re still having the intimacy issues. And I’m like, ‘I don’t know how to overcome it.’ I think that’s what’s hard.”

As Jessi began to tear up during the conversation, host Stassi Schroeder asked why the exchange made her emotional. Jessi then shared a claim she’d never disclosed publicly before.

“I actually loved watching Mikayla’s story because I knew that it happened to her, but seeing it play out, seeing her thoughts and feelings behind it, I can relate. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy because of mine and Jordan’s situation, and I actually uncovered the memory that I was raped when I was 19,” she said.

Jessi’s castmates appeared surprised by her claims as she continued, “It really started a lot of my issues, about going emotionally numb and pushing people away and feeling not good enough. And after uncovering that… me and Jordan already had our struggles, but that made them worse.”

“I know exactly how you feel,” she added. “I don’t want him to touch me, and it’s not his fault, but it’s so crazy how your body reacts. It’s not just your emotions, you know? And so that’s been another layer of healing for me that watching her story, it really hit home for me. I understand fully how that can feel.”

Jessi and Jordan’s marital troubles are highlighted throughout season 3, after the influencer came clean about her affair with Marciano Brunette.

In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, she claimed that her husband’s “emotional abuse” also added to the “toxic dynamic” in their marriage. “I would say we both made mistakes for sure,” Jessi acknowledged to PEOPLE. “Mine being the affair and his being the emotional abuse, but I think it takes two to tango. And having that toxic dynamic definitely got me into the mindset of where I was and why I did what I did.”

In a statement to PEOPLE at the time, Jordan said, “I take full accountability for the pain I caused Jessi during our marriage. At that time in my life, I was deeply unhealed, and as the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. That doesn’t excuse my behavior in any way, it’s something I’ve had to face and take full responsibility for.”

After taking a 90-day separation, season 3 ends with the couple getting back together and working on their marriage through therapy.

During the recent reunion special, Stassi handed the conversation to Conner, who also began to cry as Jessi shared her story. In last season’s reunion special, Conner emotionally shared with castmates that he was raped as a child, which also led to issues in his marriage to Whitney that they worked to overcome.

“I’m so sorry, Jessi,” he began, explaining that he, too, felt that he “struggled with intimacy in polarizing ways” in the aftermath of his sexual abuse.

“I don’t want to speak for Mikayla or Jessi or anyone else, but it can be challenging to rewire your brain, at least for me,” he said.

“The two polarizing parts are like, ‘Please don’t touch me, I don’t have control here and it scares me,’ to like hypersexuality, like ‘I want to have as much sex as possible to put distance between me and that event. I just need to get that out of my system,’ ” he admitted.

Addressing Jace and Jordan, he continued, “So I don’t know if I can necessarily relate with your relationships, but I do know that the patience that you are giving your spouses is healing and it is breeding intimacy between the both of you.”

Mikayla explained that though sharing these intimate details publicly is hard, it has forced her to leave her “comfort zone” and have difficult conversations.

“I don’t know when I would have talked about it. For me, I would probably just push it away until I was 40 or 50, so I think this is a great thing. All the conversations we’ve had, I think, are amazing, and I think they’re helping so many people that are watching, so I think that’s my pro.”